Milking the Cow!|
Socialism: You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor.
Communism: You have two cows. The government takes them both and provides you with milk.
Fascism: You have two cows. The government takes them and sells you the milk.
Bureaucracy: You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, and then pours it down the drain.
Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
Democracy: You have two cows. Government taxes force you to sell them in order to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow which was a gift from your government.
Submitted by Hal Lindcoke (), St. Louis, MO
Bush Sr and Jr!
Other than the Presidency, what else did George Bush Sr . and Jr. have in common?
Neither one knew when to pull out.
Submitted by HARRYGY7 (), USA
President Bush and Colin Powell are sitting in a bar.
A man walks over and says, "Wow, this is a real honor. What are you guys doing in here?"
Bush says, "We're planning WW III. This time we're going to kill 40 million Iraqis and a blonde with big breasts"
The guy exclaimed, "A blonde with big boobs? Why kill a blonde with big breasts?"
Bush turns to Powell, punches him on the shoulder and says, "See, smart ass! I told you......no one would worry about the 40 million Iraqis!"
Submitted by George Clooney Fan (23), Ohio
What is the prerequisite to becoming a great Political Analyst?
Knowing there's no such thing as even a good political analyst.
Submitted by Henry Forsyth, Washington
Vocabulary word for the elections: AlGoreithm (n: al-gor-ith-m)
Any method of calculation performed repeatedly until a desired result is produced.
Submitted by George Menges (), USA
A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced the altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted. "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."
The woman replied, "You are in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."
"You must be a Republican," said the balloonist.
"I am," said the woman. "How did you know?"
"Well", answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost. Frankly, you have not been much help so far."
The woman below responded. "You must be a Democrat."
"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well," said the woman, "You don't know where you are or where you are going.
You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air.
You made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem.
The fact is: you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault."
Submitted by Thomas (28), Texas
Just caught an afternoon press conference and Monica's decided to change over to the Republican party, seems the democrats left a bad taste in her mouth.
Submitted by Aron Belucci (), New Zealand
Congressman and Whiskey!
A Congressman was once asked about his attitude toward whiskey:
"If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I'm against it.
But if you mean the elixir of Christmas cheer, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I'm for it.
This is my position, and I will not compromise."
Submitted by Thomas (28), Texas