SING FOR SUPPER|
I went to an lndian restaurant, and half way through the meal the waiter asked, “Curry okay?”
I said, “Oh, go on then. Just one song.” "
Ethnic Joke Submitted by Davy T (), Ferryhill
A man applied for a business permit to open up a cheese shop in Holland.
"I don't know if that's such a good idea," the adviser issuing the permit commented. "Too many cheese shops in Holland."
"But mine will stand out," the man replied. "I'm going to call it "Cheeses of Amsterdam." The man got his permit and opened his shop.
Unfortunately, the adviser was right - the competition was too great and his shop couldn't make a go of it.
So he went back to the permit adviser for some advice. "You know where you should open a shop," the adviser suggested, "Israel," he said.
So the man opened up a cheese shop in Israel. It was a big hit.
The man called the adviser back. "You were right!" he said. "The cheese shop I opened here in Israel has been a tremendous success!"
"That's great!" the adviser replied. "What did you call it?"
The man answered, "I called it, 'Cheeses of Nazareth!' "
Ethnic Joke Submitted by Alicia McKinsey (21), Cairo
This older Jewish man was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.
As he was about to receive the anesthesia he asked to speak to his son.
"Yes Dad, what is it?"
"Don't be nervous, do your best and just remember, if it doesn't go well, if something happens to me... your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife."
Jewish humor Submitted by Issac (),
An Englishman, Aussie and South African in a bar one night having a beer.
All of a sudden the South African drinks his beer throws his glass in the air,
pulls out a gun shoots the glass to pieces and says,
'In Sath Afrika our glasses are so cheap that we don't need to drink from same one twice'.
The Aussie obviously impressed by this (simple things.......) drinks his beer throws his glass into the air,
pulls out his gun and shoots the glass to pieces and says,
'Well mate, in 'straaaaaaailia we have so much sand to make the glasses that we don't need to drink out of the same glass twice either.'
The Englishman, cool as a cucumber. Picks up his beer and drinks it, throws his glass into the air, pulls put his gun and shoots the South African and the Australian and says,
'In England we have so many f%$@&ing South Africans and Australians that we don't need to drink with the same ones twice.'
Funnies Submitted by Melanie (),
Too Much Mazal
Two women meet on the street.
"Molly, I understand you have a mazal tov coming to you."
"Oh yes -- my daughter is getting married."
"Isn't that wonderful! And who's the lucky man?"
"David is the chief surgical resident at Cedars-Sinai Hospital."
"That's wonderful. But wait -- I thought he was a professor."
"Oh no, that was her previous husband -- a law professor at Yale."
"My goodness, that's really something. Then why do I seem to remember a psychiatrist?"
"You must be thinking of Saul, her first husband."
"Oh Molly, you're a lucky women. Imagine, having so much naches, from just one daughter!"
Jewish humor Submitted by K Honda (24), Israel
What do you call a beautiful girl in Russia?
Russian humor Submitted by Reid Tara (21),
An Arab was walking through the Sahara desert, desperate for water, when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he walked towards the image, only to find a little old Jewish man sitting at a card table with a bunch of neckties laid out on it.
The Arab asked 'Please, I’m dying of thirst, can I have some water?'
The man replied 'I don’t have any water, but why don’t you buy a tie? Here’s one that goes nicely with your robes.'
The Arab shouted, 'I don’t want a tie, you idiot, I need water!'
'OK, don’t buy a tie. But to show you what a nice guy I am, I’ll tell you that over that hill there, about 4 miles, is a nice restaurant. Walk that way, they’ll give you all the water you want.'
The Arab thanked him and walked away towards the hill and eventually disappeared. Three hours later the Arab came crawling back to where the man was sitting behind his card table.
He said 'I told you, about 4 miles over that hill. Couldn’t you find it?'
The Arab rasped 'I found it all right. They wouldn’t let me in without a tie.'
Arabian humor Submitted by Alfred Fisher (),
Jokes about Brits
On a train from London to Manchester, an American was telling off the Englishman sitting across from him in the compartment.
"You English are too stuffy. You set yourselves apart too much. Look at me... I have Italian blood, French blood, a little Australian blood, and some Swedish blood. What do you say to that?"
The Englishman replied, with a smile, "Very sporting of your Mother."
Russian humor Submitted by Jaguardame (31), stumbleupon