Shurbhi! Humor Funny Jokes
Beauty | Celebrity | Food | E-cards | Movies | Fashion | Web Directory | Chat | News | Contests
Enter Keywords to Search Web Directory
Funny Jokes
Quotations Graffiti Quotes
Read Stories Writings
Cartoons Funny Celebrity Toons
Shayari Sayari
Romantic Poems Love Poetry
Trivia Fun Facts
Street Fashion Haute Couture
Opinion Voting Polls
Recommend Fukkad! to Friend
Chat Free Netpals
Email this Page
Print this Page
Fun Naughty Laugh Jokes
86 Rules of Boozing!

1. If you owe someone money, always pay them back in a bar. Preferably during happy hour.

2. Always toast before doing a shot.

3. Whoever buys the shot gets the first chance to offer a toast.

4. Change your toast at least once a month.

5. Buying someone a drink is five times better than a handshake.

6. Buying a strange woman a drink is still cool. Buying all her drinks is dumb.

7. Never borrow more than one cigarette from the same person in one night.

8. When the bartender is slammed, resist the powerful urge to order a slightly-dirty, very-dry, in-and-out, super-chilled half-and-half martini with a lemon twist. Limit orders to beer, straight shots and two-part cocktails.

9. Get the bartender's attention with eye contact and a smile.

10. Do not make eye contact with the bartender if you do not want a drink.

11. Unacceptable things to say after doing a shot: Great, now I’m going to get drunk. I hate shots. It’s coming back up.

12. Never, ever tell a bartender he made your drink too strong.

13. If he makes it too weak, order a double next time. He'll get the message.

14. If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she refuses, she does not like you.

15. If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she accepts, she still might not like you.

16. If she buys you a drink, she likes you.

17. If someone offers to buy you a drink, do not upgrade your liquor preference.

18. Always have a corkscrew in your house.

19. If you don't have a corkscrew, push the cork down into the bottle with a pen.

20. Drink one girly drink in public and you will forever be known as the guy who drinks girly drinks.

21. Our parents were better drinkers than we are.

22. Never talk to someone in the restroom unless you're doing the same thing—urinating, waiting in line or washing your hands.

23. Girls hang out, apply make-up, and have long talks in the bathroom. Men do not.

24. After your sixth drink, do not look at yourself in the mirror. It will shake your confidence.

25. It is only permissible to shout 'woo-hoo!' if you are doing a shot with four or more people.

26. If there is a d.j., you can request a song only once per night. If he doesn't play it within half an hour, do not approach him again. If he does play it, do not approach him again.

27. Learn how to make a rose out of a bar napkin. You'll be surprised how well it works.

28. If you can't afford to tip, you can't afford to drink in a bar. Go to the liquor store.

29. If you owe someone twenty dollars or less, you may pay them back in beer.

30. Never complain about the quality or brand of a free drink.

31. If you have been roommates with someone more than six months, you may drink all their beer, even if it's hidden, as long as you leave them one.

32. You can have a shot of their hard liquor only if the cap has been cracked and the bottle goes for less than $25.

33. The only thing that tastes better than free liquor is stolen liquor.

34. If you bring Old Milwaukee to a party, you must drink at least two cans before you start drinking the imported beer in the fridge.

35. Learn to appreciate hangovers. If it was all good times every jackass would be doing it.

36. If you ever feel depressed, get out a bartender’s guide and browse through all the drinks you’ve never tried.

37. Try one new drink each week.

38. If you are the bar's sole customer, you are obliged to make small talk with the bartender until he stops acknowledging you. Then you're off the hook. The same goes for him.

39. Never tip with coins that have touched you. If your change is $1.50, you can tell the barmaid to keep the change, but once she has handed it to you, you cannot give it back. To a bartender or cocktail waitress, small change has no value.

40. If you have ever told a bartender, “Hey, it all spends the same,” then you are a cheap ass.

41. Anyone on stage or behind a bar is fifty percent better looking.

42. You can tell how hard a drinker someone is by how close they keep their drink to their mouth.

43. A bar is a college, not a nursery. If you spill a beer, clean it up. If you break a glass, wait for a staff member to clean it up, then blame it on someone else.

44. Being drunk is feeling sophisticated without being able to say it.

45. It's okay to drink alone.

46. After three drinks, you will forget a woman's name two seconds after she tells you. The rest of the night you will call her “baby” or “darling”.

47. Nothing screams 'nancy boy' louder than swirling an oversized brandy snifter.

48. Men don't drink from straws. Unless you're doing a Mind or Face Eraser.

49. If you do a shot, finish it. If you don't plan to finish it, don't accept it.

50. Never brood in a dance bar. Never dance in a dive bar.

51. Never play more than three songs by the same artist in a row.

52. Your songs will come on as you're leaving the bar.

53. Never yell out jukebox selections to someone you don't know.

54. Never lie in a bar. You may, however, grossly exaggerate and lean.

55. If you think you might be slurring a little, then you are slurring a lot. If you think you are slurring a lot, then you are not speaking English.

56. Screaming, “Someone buy me a drink!” has never worked.

57. For every drink, there is a five percent better chance you will get in a fight. There is also a three percent better chance you will lose the fight.

58. Fighting an extremely drunk person when you are sober is hilarious.

59. If you are broke and a friend is “sporting you”, you must laugh at all his jokes and play wingman when he makes his move.

60. If you are broke and a friend is “making sport of you”, you may steal any drink he leaves unattended.

61. Never rest your head on a table or bar top. It is the equivalent of voluntarily putting your head on a chopping block.

62. If you are trading rounds with a friend and he asks if you're ready for another, always say yes. Once you fall out of sync you will end up buying more drinks than him.

63. If you're going to hit on a member of the bar staff, make sure you tip well before and after, regardless of her response.

64. The people with the most money are rarely the best tippers.

65. Before you die, single-handedly make one decent martini.

66. Asking a bartender what beers are on tap when the handles are right in front of you is the equivalent of saying, “I'm an idiot.”

67. Never ask a bartender “what's good tonight?” They do not fly in the scotch fresh from the coast every morning.

68. If there is a line for drinks, get your goddamn drink and step the hell away from the bar.

69. If there is ever any confusion, the fuller beer is yours.

70. The patrons at your local bar are your extended family, your fathers and mothers, your brothers and sisters. Except you get to sleep with these sisters. And if you're really drunk, the mothers.

71. It's acceptable, traditional in fact, to disappear during a night of hard drinking. You will appear mysterious and your friends will understand. If they even notice.

72. Never argue your tab at the end of the night. Remember, you're hammered and they’re sober. It's akin to a precocious five-year-old arguing the super-string theory with a physicist. 99.9% of the time you're wrong and either way you're going to come off as a jackass.

73. If you bring booze to a party, you must drink it or leave it.

74. If you hesitate more than three seconds after the bartender looks at you, you do not deserve a drink.

75. Beer makes you mellow, champagne makes you silly, wine makes you dramatic, tequila makes you felonious.

76. The greatest thing a drunkard can do is buy a round of drinks for a packed bar.

77. Never preface a conversation with a bartender with “I know this is going to be a hassle, but . . .”

78. When you’re in a bar and drunk, your boss is just another guy begging for a fat lip. Unless he’s buying.

79. If you are 86’d, do not return for at least three months. To come back sooner makes it appear no other bar wants you.

80. Anyone with three or more drinks in his hands has the right of way.

81. If you’re going to drink on the job, drink vodka. It’s the no-tell liquor.

82. There’s nothing wrong with drinking before noon. Especially if you’re supposed to be at work.

83. The bar clock moves twice as fast from midnight to last call.

84. A flask engraved with a personal message is one of the best gifts you can ever give. And make sure there’s something in it.

85. On the intimacy scale, sharing a quiet drink is between a handshake and a kiss.

86. You will forget every one of these rules by your fifth drink.
--Frank Kelly Rich

Bar Jokes Submitted by Web Drunkard (22), Internet

Jokes Humor

How to Say Hello to the Hot Girl
The Rules of Bedroom Golf
Mailman's Gift...Dinner with Husband
Movie Names on Drinks!
Baby Doll Song Video (spoof) 10 Things You Can Learn From a Snowman
Men's Rules for Women to Learn
Politically Correct Insults
Valentine's Day Jokes
Top 25 Dumb Bumpers
Skinny Dipping
How Women Learn Alphabets
Thanksgiving Divorce
How Girls Cheat in Exams?
Types of Computer Virus
Real Estate Humour
Men Strike Back!
Secretary Xerox (NSFW)
Social Media Explained
Funny Beach Signs
Men Strike Back!
Real Estate Humour
Words of wisdom to Clueless boys!!
8 Inches Long!!
35-Fun-Things-to-Do-While-Driving.shtml
What Job Ads Mean!
You're a College Student if...
Rajnikant Jokes
Desi Chhap
86 Rules of Boozing
12 Stages of modern love
War Wound...Bar Cat
Cool & Nice Insults
101 Reasons Why Fingers are Better...
Twenty Great One Liners [Funny]
You Know You're Really Broke When...
Brilliant Ways Girls Turn Down Guys
99 Secrets Girls Have to Know About Guys !!
Murphy's Laws of Sex!!
HR=High Risk
Marketing Concepts
Why Are Men Happier Than Women?
What a man really means !!
Milking the Cow!... Politican and Whiskey!
Talking Parrot!
Anniversary Gifts!!
Cats in Physics Laws!
21st Century Lifelessness..!!
What Every Woman Should Have...
Women's T-Shirt Sayings
A gamely reference to 'He and She'
Couple Want Children
Sex Mathematics !!
Top 10 Snappy Comebacks To "Why Aren't You Married Yet"
Marine Soldier Action
Lost Between "Baby Boomer" and "Generation X" If...
How To Know You Are Ready to Have Children!
Celebrity Worm Virus
Universal Chaayageet
Drinking and Driving
Female Software Engineers (FSE)
SalesBoy from Texas!
34 Things from Video Games
Boys R Weird!
Top 40 reasons to be a girl!
Woodcutter and God!
Bumper Stickers
Blind as a Bat
Elephant Humor
Snakebite!
Bush at the Pearly Gates... Ban Laden Bush
Ferry Crossing
Kitty Hygiene
All Alone
At WORK
Men are Hard to Please!
Cow Corporation!
Veterinary Examination!!
Osama Bin Laden Fun Bush Hell!
Betting Bar!
Kool Scene!
Sanity
Translate English Sayings in Hindi
Drivers' Nationality Check!
PG Jokes
Male Female Banking Procedures
Cross-Examination of Doctor in Witness Dock!
Funny Canadian Polish Scot Irish Joke
Classic things to say when stressed
What not to say in Bed
TOP 10 Frequently Asked Questions / Messages
The 25 Funniest Analogies
Top 21 Ways To Make A Redhead Fall In Love With You
Top 11 Reasons To Come To Work Naked
Professional Love Letter...
Actual Instructions Labels
Auto Manufacturers Real Meaning (Acronyms)!!
Funny Bumper Stickers
You Know You're From Nothern Virginia If..
Funny Car Stickers
Wet preacher !!
Laws on Sex!!
Pick Up Line Comebacks
How Not to Rob a Bank!
How to impress Man / Woman!!
Laughable Lawsuits
Only for HOT people -- (Open with Care)
20 Reasons Why I Love You!!
Chinese Sayings!
For instant stress relief!
101 Things NOT to say during sex!
How do a Man and a Woman..
4 Questions Quiz to test the Professional
Coffee Jokes
Advertising and Marketing Fundas
Punishment... Mom n Dad...
New Years resolutions we can keep..
169 Lies You Can Tell
Professional CAT Test!
Used Car Lingos
Definitions of common Words!
Doctor and Lady Patient... Jumping to Conclusions!
Ways to flirt with a girl!
Viagra side effects!... GoOd pOiNt...
Mother and Son!
A Genealogist's Christmas Eve
Jugnu Singh's Adventures
Jagga Bagga....Santa Banta
What American and Indian Movies Teach?
Celebrity Humor
Blonde Dumb Humor
Funny Redhead Jokes
Men & Women Relationship Funnies
Computer Network Worm
Desi NRI Surd Jokes
All Men have One...
Ethnic Cultural Humor
In-office Work Boss Secretary Humour
Kiddie's Mouthspeak
Lawyer Attorney Jokes
Doctor Humor Medicine
Laugh at Politics
Shopping Humor Basket
Stupid Stuff
Search MSN
Search Yahoo
Google
Search Directory!
Shurbhi ! Fun Plugs
  • Junk Fun Blog
  • Uncovered Celebs
  • Cover Girls
  • Funny Pictures
  • Celebrity Gallery
  • Movies Music
  • Online Games
  • Naughty Egreetings
  • Funny Sms
  • Beauty Secrets
  • Food & Drinks
  • Fun Videos

    Shurbhi ! Shopping
  • Ringtones Logos
  • Mobile Games
  • Buy Posters Online
  • Genx Gifts Shopping
  • Personal Care Shopping
  • College Essentials Sale
  • Buy Holiday Gifts
  • Free Kama Sutra

    Shurbhi ! Tools
  • Love Horoscope
  • Chat Netpals
  • Web Directory
  • News Headlines
  • Classifieds
  • Message Board
  • Paper Card

  • buy mobiles & accessories
    Translate Language:
    Bookmark and Share
    Celebrities Beauty Gourmet Af'air Play Games Funny Videos Freestuff Girlfriends Gifts Store Publish

    Privacy Policy | Terms Of Use | Write Comments | Web Links | Contact Us | Advertise With Us
    TM & © Copyright 1998-2015 Shurbhi Networks & All rights reserved.
    Any resemblance to any person(s),place(s),ethnic community(ies),is strictly coincidental and has no real connection whatsoever at all. All content and information is provided for entertainment purposes only. Shurbhi.in in no way responsible for any resemblance or discrepancy whatsoever. All submitted materials remain copyrighted by the respective authors for whom the respective contributor is solely responsible.
    Loading...